I knew it.

I said i dont wanna love you but

Why did you allow me to fall??

Now things are uncertain.

and i dont wanna risk the hurt.

coz to tell you honestly.

Im hurting.

Let's not love one another coz things are better if we remain friends.

7:24pm. Nagising ako dahil kumakanta si mariah carey. potek! tumatawag si baby D.

Cliogoddess: Hello

Baby D: Nikols, anu gawa mo?

Cliogoddess: kagigising ko lang.

Baby D: naistorbo ba kita?

Baby D: Dito office.

Cliogoddess: Bat ang aga mong pumasok.?

Baby D: blah blah blah.

Usap Usap, nang biglang,,,

Baby D: Anu nga yung website nung blog mo?

Cliogoddess: Huh?

Baby D: nabasa ko na kagabi yun eh.

Cliogoddess: ah eh, oh uh?

Baby D: oh bakit di ka mapagsalita?

Cliogoddess: eh kc, ah,,, oo. kc nga anu... cge. ok.

Baby D: Lols. tawagan kita ulit, basahin ko lang tong entry mo "2 Days kami hindi nagkita ni Baby D so excited akong pumasok. hindi rin kami nagusap kahit sa txt kc wala kamng load" teka ikaw lang yung walang load, ako marami.

Cliogoddess: yabang. hindi mo nman alam kung nsan yung blog ko, nabasa mo lang yun kahapon nung nandito ka sa bahay.

Baby D: Tawag ako ulit.

Potek, nabasa na nia lahat nang entry ko sa kanya. bwahahahahah,. huling huli ako. although lahat naman nang pinagusapan at lahat nman nang nanyari ay nandun. pwera nlang lahat nang saloobin ko at yung mga bagay na mahirap sabihin sa kanya in his face. My blog wouldnt be emotions of a goddess for nothin so my blog houses all my emotions and feelings. Hirap nman neto. feeling ko mahihiya nako sa kanya, bwahahah then again. very vocal nman ako ever.

736pm. ayan na nman si mariah carey

Baby D: Nikols

Cliogoddess: oh bakit.

Baby D: ang dali mo nman mahuli, hahaha. hindi ko nman alam blog mo eh, nabasa ko lang yun unang part nung nanjan ako sa inyo kahapon. ngayon alam ko na.

Cliogoddess: siempre proud ako sa blog ko noh.(choze, actually i dont mind kung walang bumasa dahil sakin lang toh noh,) nagcomment ka ba?

Baby D: Sabay tayo bukas. blah blah blah,,, oh sige na balik nako office. see you tomorrow!

Pesteng yun, para sa kanya na nga entry ko, hindi pa rin nagcomment. leche! wala talagang magcomment sa blog ko, ang pangit kc. bwahahahah. buti nlang ako pretty.

choze~

he's not my boyfriend and i dont want him to be pero i want him. ang gulo ko.

2 Days kami hindi nagkita ni Baby D so excited akong pumasok. hindi rin kami nagusap kahit sa txt kc wala kamng load, bwahahaha. last text namin eh nung black staurday at nagpalitan lang kami ng QUOTE kc siempre medjo nagkakahiyaan pa kami after namin nagvideoke nung goodfriday.

Pagpasok nia sa room, nag Hi lang sha sakin sabay halik sa pisngi tapos umupo na sha sa dulong seat. During the middle of class, pumunta sha sa likod ko and he sang to me. (great voice, kakakilig talaga). then lumapit nako and he played with my hair. Tinanong ko sha kung pede sha sa wednesday kc after ko pumunta ng derma eh wala na akong gagawin for 3 hrs.He wanted to come with me sa derma pero meron pa sha work nun so sabi ko after nalang, kita nlang kami to have dinner or something pero mukhang na-excite ang loko at iba yata ang gus2ong mangyari, (leche me pasok pa kc ako nun so hindi pede) Pero parang gusto ko tuloy yayain na sha na gawin namin yun (MOT-MOT) againts all the sanity in me. 

I have to admit mejo disappointed ako kc  parang hindi sha ganun kaexcited to see me, unlike me na halos kulang nalang eh magpaparty just to show na i missed him. (teka mukha ngang inlove nako sa mokong na yun? this is bad!) After class, he expressed na gus2 niang mag-out-of-town. pinaringgan na nman ako na dapat daw dito muna sa philippines and unahing puntahan kesa mag-abroad. His hair looks different, looks good kesa dati na tatalunin nia si Imelda Marcos o si Armida Siguion-Reyna sa itsura ng buhok. Ako din pagpatrim ng split-ends and dandruff infested na buhok. Na bwuset pa nga ako kc tatlong salon napuntahan ko pero lahat waiting, eh nagmamadali ako kc nonood pako ng CHARMED sa velvet tv. kaya dun ako pumunta sa hellish salon, (walang aircon maski electric fan) tapos inokray pako ng bading pacquiao, (read: maskulado) una tinanong sino nagaayos ng buhok ko, sabi ko sa salon sa rockwell. tapos tinanong ano kinulay sa buhok ko, mukha daw bleach, tapos halos sabunutan na nia ako habang ginugupitan. gagang yun, gusto na yata akong kalbuhin, dapat daw iklian pa yung mahaba kong hair. sabi ko tama na yun, lecheng bakla yun. insikyora. peste, salot. kaya hindi ko masasasi kung maraming tao na nagagalit sa baklang parlorista. (naalala ko tuloy si the lost me) basta, BAKLA BAKLA. Mga salot na BAKLA.

(disclaimer: hindi sha toh, representative lang ng katulad nia)

Dont get me wrong, Advocate ako sa mga kaibigan at kapatid nating 3rd sex pero kung ganun naman ugali. dapat talaga sunugin na silang lahat, ipatapon sa gas chamber at palanghapin ng utot. TSE~

After my break-up, sabi ko di muna ako makikipag-relasyon and im doin a great job at that kc for the first time , naging masaya ako na single which i never thought would happen kc all my life, kaylangan meron akong boylet. pero now, mas masarap palang maging single tpos meron lang isang guy na nagbibigay sayo lahat ng physical needs mo (bwahahaha, hugs and whole body massages ang ibig kong sabihin hindi seks. malaswa mag-isip!)

Remember my >>BESTBUDDY<<. Yung lalake na me potential na maging fuck-buddy ko. Netong holy week, siempre walang pasok so naisipan namin na lumabas. (We're not catholic so ok lang, Im agnostic and he's demonic. choze!) and we had so much fun. pero wala parin nanyari, (waaaaahhh)

Anyway, the thing is, ayaw ko sana mainvolved with someone since me plano na nga ako umalis ng country, pero sha parang he wants to get real with me. ilang beses nia ako tinanong kung iiwanan ko ba sha or kung anu ba talaga. he's a great guy and recently. hindi na sha mawala sa isip ko pero maraming bagay na kaylangan i-consider

• He's young 21, and when he lost his mom, parang hirap shang makarecover samantalang ang tagal na nun, guilty kc ang mokong. before his mom died, kinausap sha sa phone kc gus2 ni mommy na makita sha. ang gago natakot or siguro ayaw nia lang makita na nsa ganun lagay mommy nia kaya hindi na nia ito naabutan. anu koneksyon? he's such a baby, and he's somehow looking for a mother's attention. Alam ko 49 nako so pede nako maging mommy pero sus ang laking damulag na nia noh. (he's now my BABY D, baby damulag)
• I wont be stayin here. When my ex wanted us to be together, sabi ko hindi nako makikipagbalikan sha kanya. etong namang si Baby D. natakot, baka daw ganun din gawin ko sa kanya, baka daw pagnakuha kona yung gus2 ko sa kanya eh iwan ko na rin sha bigla. thing is. iba nman nanyari samin nun ex ko, mutual decision yun na maghiwalay kmi, (choze actually sha nakipagbreak sakin) but we remained friends at recently nga eh parang nagpapahiwatig ulit. pero dito kay baby D, i know eventually maghihiwalay kami kc i cant stay another year dito sa ating bansang pilipinas. Diniscourage pa nga ako nung loko na hindi nman ganun kadali makapag-abroad.
• He's bisexual to the real meaning of the term. Meron sha naging gf before but he knows he's also attracted to boys too. so ang hirap kc i have to compete not only with other girls but with boys and gays too. ( he's somewhat a magnet kc he's somehow gwapo and matangkad and maganda katawan. again somewhat and somehow poh, ibig sabihin not really, bwahahah) although he hasnt acted on that impulse and i honestly dont mind if he did. pero potah hindi ko matatanggap pag ginawa nia yun while im around. BTW> potah. he's not the first bisexual i've been with, he's the third. and dont get confused when i say bisexual. kc dito sa pinas yung mga baklang subrang malilibog na macho effect pero kung tutuusin mas malandi pa sa nympho eh BI daw sila, pero pakitaan mo ng pekpek at lahat masusuka, bwahahaha. He's not like that, hainan mo ng pekpek at kakantut**n nia yun.

Ok i have to admit cguro nga inlove nako sa kanya, kc he's sweet, affectionate at sinusubuan nia ako. (huwaaattt? anu >>>>>>    anu ang isinusubo??)

Hirap neto. i know i wont be happy and i know i cant make him happy. basta! i know it wont work out.

San ako lulugar?

napagusapan namin ni geisha about daddy figure and mommy figure. coz i have this guy who's been asking me to commit(someway or another). He's young and somehow parang he's looking for motherly affecton from me.

Anyway he's my daddy entry. Introspection and my DAD (PSYCH 101)

kakainis, nanahimik ako dito, naisipan nman akong i-tag ni the lost me. (sabi ko na nga ba eh, lagi akong naiisip netong taong to) bwahahahaha. oh eto na.

Rulez: Use the first letter of your name to answer each of the following.
Your answers have to be real places, names, and things. Nothing made up! Use different answers if the person who answered the survey before you had the same initial letter. You can't use your name for the boy/girl name question.

Your name
>>Christina "CLIO" Nicole >taray noh?

Four words
>>Charming, Cheksi, Chaganda, Chalino.

State/country
>>Chimbabwe

Boy name
>>Chano!

Girl name
>>Choleng

Occupation
>>Chrostitute

Word that describes you the best
>>Chaba

Something you can wear
>>Condom< bwahahaha teka hindi ako nagsusuot nito. san ko yan ilalagay, bwahahaha

Something found in a kitchen
>>Chaldero

Name one object that is so valuable to you
>>Cash. hehehe mukhang pera talaga ako

Something you shout
>>CHARAP MO MANONG! 

Something you do at school
>>Chumain

Name of a friend/schoolmate
>>Charing

Name of an animal
>>cat. bwahahahahahaah

Name of a drink
>>chambanog

Name of a holiday
>>Chabor day>> siempre mahilig ako sa blow job, mahirap na labor yun

Name of a subject in school
>>Chemistry, yes maaayos na sagot.

Name of a cousin
>>Chuba

Name of a fast food chain
>>CHolly Jeep, sa makati lang yan

Name of a person you're crushing or had a crush on
>>Chumanga. bwahahaha

Name of a food you like
>>checken

Name of a food you do not like
 >>chanis

Name of a kid's toy
>>Chaka doll

Name of a flowering plant
>>chalachuchi

Name of a shopping mall
>>Chall of Asia

Name of a person you like
>>Chaka doll

Name of a person you dislike
>>chaka doll

Name of place in your school
>>chapel

Name of an object in front of you
>>chumputer. bwahahaha

bahala ka sa buhay mo.

I am goin on a blog sabbatical but before i do let me clear somethings up.

^Nakatanggap ako ng intelligence report na iniisip ng tao na ako ay isang walang pakundangang babae dahil sa halos lahat ng namumutawi sakin ay sex, kalandian at kaharutan. like most of the bloggers in the world, i have multiple identities, I may seem like a skanky bitch in the blogworld but in real life, im conservative (barffffff). potaahhh. kung hindi ako dalagang pilipina di dapat 14 plang, di nako virgin. at dapat kasing rami narin ako ng experience ni geisha (bwahaaha peace mare) actually pangarap ko talagang maging professional porn star o kaya eh prostitute. >>puta vs. pokpok<< pero it doesnt mean pede nakong tangalan ng respeto ng kung sino lang jan. eto lang masasabi ko sa inyo "RESPECT ME THEN ABUSE ME!"

^I am single pero di ibig sabihin nun hayuk ako sa lalake. kaya guys pede ba, dont even dare to think that you have what it takes to make a goddess happy. Wag ipagmalaki ang mga burat nio na kasing liit ng pickles at kasing itim ng puwet ng kaldero. geeezzzz. Kakapal ng mukha ng mga pinoy, kung makaasta kala mo ADONIS ang kakisigan. Dont get me wrong, i have had 3 wonderful pinoy bf's. Una, third year highschool and we lasted for 5 yrs. pero walang nanyari samin (i know im so lame kaya nga nanghihinayang ako) 2nd. nung college. 1 yr kami pero hanggang hawak lang nang boobs naabot nia, pero at least nahipuan ko sha, bwahahah. 3rd. we only lasted for 6 months pero sha ang first kiss ko (feb 23,2003) at very recently he asked me out at nagpadevirginize ako sa kanya (feb 15, 2006) and with all these boys, i never paid them to love me. san kapa? money was never an issue with my ex's so yung mga makakapal na mukha na nagooffer ng mura lang sila o kaya libre nalang. kainin nio sarili niong burat! gago. "I DONT NEED TO BEG NOR PAY FOR LOVE COZ I CAN HAVE IT FOR FREE"

^And this one irked me alot. I was flirting with maldito when gasti made this comment. "nabasa ko yung comment ni cliogodess..inaantay ko ang reply mo. lols!wag ka ng magpatumpik tumpik pa. kung san ka masaya dun ka. sa piling ng mga bakla....hahaha!".  >>>>I'm not tyring to pick a fight and i definetly do not hate gasti for this coz i really cant blame him and the rest of the human population for having this kind of typecasted idea about me. (uu nga nman, talipandas nman talaga ako magcomment so anung inaarte ko diba?) But the thing is, im not gay, i never was. >>I am a WOMAN<<, transgendered nga lang. >>what's the difference?<< ewan ko hindi ko rin alam. all i know is that i dont like it when people look at me in a degrading manner. I have a different and complicated kind of depression kaya eepal ako ngayon sa post nato. I love gay men pero it doesnt mean im one of them. >>I am ugly as a man kaya im not gay<<. i am pretty as a woman kaya im transgendered.

Again to clarify, i dont hate the person, i hate their idea. so jan lang muna kayo and i'll try to pull myself together (drama, bwahahaha, sarap talagang maginarte noh) and for the guy from india and the old old old old guy from england. i dont have nude pics and even if i do. i'll never send them to you. (check nio lang blog ko, marami dun nakapost na nude pics ko, hehehe) and wei, salamat sa comment mo, natuwa nman ako na iniimagine mo pla ako. bwahahah. and yes im a flirtatious girl, pero dun lang sa buddy ko from school, tsaka dito sa blog but not in real life. bwahhahaha.

so jan na muna kayo babalik nlang ako kapag meron nako 100oooK.

Dapat nating gayahin si SURI ng New York. Tinataglay nia ang pinakaHOPEFUL at pinakaOPTIMISTIC na pananaw sa buhay.

 MARCH 5, 2006

 Suri: Hi would just like to know if you are goin to process my order because if not i would like to cancel it instead.

Agent: Ok let me just check your record. Uhmmmnn, Suri you placed this order last OCTOBER 15 2007.

Suri: Yes. will you process this or can i just cancel it.

Agent: unfortunately this order has been cancelled.

Suri: ok thanks. bye

"grabeh, October, November, December, January, February, March 5. hanggang ngayon umaaasa pa yung customer nung order nia. eto pa matindi, >>> SAME DAY DELIVERY for this order.

Geisha: dont worry, i will take a note of everything we've talked about and i will also take a note of your PROFANITY!.

Cliogoddess: Huh?  hoy anu yun.

Geisha: eh putang inang pinoy to, sabi gago daw ako. grrrrrrr

I have a best buddy. 6 feet chubby guy with a great body that i love to hug.

*PROLOGUE*

"last valentines day, my ex and i decided to meet and one thing led to another so after valentines im no longer a virgin. My buddy and i used to kid that he's gonna be the next guy who would fuck me and i really dont mind since im physically attracted to him." 

Here's the story.

CIOGODDESS: Tapos nko sa essay, pede na daw umuwi sabi ni ma'am

BUDDY: Maya kana uwi. tulungan mo muna ako dito.

CIOGODDESS: yoko, tutulungan kita tapos mas mataas ka pa sakin, di ko matatanggap yun!

BUDDY: hummmp

*Sabay talikod sakin tpos hindi nako pinansin, so umuwi nako pero dahil mejo na guilty naman ako, tinext ko sha.*

CIOGODDESS: sorry kanina ha, nagbibiro lang nman ako eh.

BUDDY: SHUT UP!

CIOGODDESS: PUtang ina ka! nagsosorry na nga ako, it's not easy for me to say sorry tapos ganyan ka pa. leche ang kapal ng mukha mo (taray ko noh, para akong palengkera)

BUDDY: bwahahaha, biro lang nman. lagi naman kita sinasabihan ng shut up ah (he's right)

CIOGODDESS: this is serious, naiinis ako sayo dont ever talk to me again. i hate meeting you. i regret being your friend. (OA ko noh)

BUDDY: anu ka ba nman, wag na natin toh pagtalunan.

sa inis ko, natulog nalang ako. after 4 hrs, text ulit sha.

BUDDY: galit ka paba sakin, sorry na

BUDDY: gumising kana malalate ka na nman sa work.

gusto ko sana magreply para sabihin na hindi nako galit pero wala na akong load, bwahahah sabi ko sa lunes ko nalang sha kakausapin. pag pasok ko sa lunes, tinawag ako nung friend namin tpos bigla sha lumabas at niyakap ako,

BUDDY: i'll never let you go hanggang hindi mo ako pinapatawad.

CLIOGODDESS: anu ba bitawan mo ako (etchose lang yun para hindi nia ako bitawan. siempre sarap kaya nun)

to make the story short tapos na ang drama ko

BUDDY: leche ka. hindi ako nakatulog nung sabado, nakapagyosi tuloy ako ng dalawang phillip (pokpok?) tpos nasuka ako after, (yuckie) ikaw kc, kinakabahan ako kala ko galit ka sakin.

CLIOGODDESS:(kibit balikat) nag email sakin ex ko, gus2 nia magkita ulit kami.

BUDDY: anu sinabi mo (simangot)

CLIOGODDESS: ewan ko, pero ayoko na talaga makipagkita sa kanya eh,

BUDDY. yan na nga ba sinsabi ko eh, kaya ayaw ko na me manyari satin kc pag nakuha mo na gus2 mo, bigla mo nlang iiwan.

CLIOGODDESS: nyek, hindi naman sa ganun kaya lang hindi na yata tama na me mangyari pa samin eh hindi ko nman sha boypren.

BUDDY: eh bakit ako, hindi mo nman ako boypren eh?

CLIOGODDESS: eh iba ka nman eh, tsaka hindi nman kita iiwan noh, ayoko rin ng one night stand noh, cguro one month pede na.

BUDDY: ay ayoko nun, gus2 ko me commitment

CLIOGODDESS:nyek yoko naman na itali kita noh, anu ka ba?

BUDDY: malapit na sana ako pumayag eh pero nagdadalawang isip talaga ako. yaan mo pag iisipan kong mabuti.

(ANU KA DALAGA???? GAGUNG TOH< KUNG MAKAPAGINARTE KALA MO VIRGIN??)

I never talk about politics coz i think it's a waste of time and i would rather eat the disease infested street calamares than to meddle with politics but since i think i no longer know my country, i read Inquirer.net to know what's goin on. I was in Ayala when the interfaith rally was held and it was the first time i've been in an actual protester's crowd and untill now, i dont get it.

First, Dont these people have better things to do, like job? taking care of their families? or cleaning the house? than spend all their energies shouting on the streets?

2nd, Why stage it here in ayala? Why not stage it in a province or on a rice field where there's  no traffic jams or re-routing that would ensue. and why here?, it's like barking at the wrong tree.

3rd, What comes after? Do they get their purpose?. They call the president to resign, but she wont. I think they can call/shout/yell "GMA RESIGN" untill their grandbabies have grandbabies (well. you know how the pinoy population multiply, heheh just like the gay people) and she will still be sitting on the palace untill her term.

4th, Why do they leave all their "kalat" and why do they burn things? That's againts the 'clean air act'. and those politics there just let it all happen and they refuse accountability for everything.

5th, Interfaith but clearly no one went there to express faith, everyone expressed hatred.

* i  know i may be ignorant on this and i am also looking at this thing on a narrow-minded viewpoint so please enlighten me. If not then lets drink tequila and fuck each other, hehehe

On different note: I though Honasan was a savage man who only wants to create chaos and destruction. But this>>> "Honasan cautions anti-Arroyo forces on seeking military help" made me earn his respect. I think i love him. bwahahaha. kidding! go on and read it if you're bored.