I said I'm not threatened. Cnabi ko lang yun, kc kala ko dati ako lang ang pinagtutuunan nia ng pansin, ako lang yung binibigyan nia ng importansya. kami lang ang merong MOMENTS. hindi pla. meron plang asungot na puting aswang, although sabi nia nman sakin na wala nmang special treatment dun sa aswang, pero pede nman na while we're not together eh, they are sharing their moments together. pedeng yung mga panahon na hindi kmi magkatxt, sila ang magkatxt, kaya habang para akong gaga na antay ng antay sa txt nia eh, busy pla sia sa pakikipagtxt sa aswang. dala ng pagiging goodnatured person kaya ok sila, pero siempre iba yung feeling nung puting aswang. tpos siempre rin iniisip nia na mabait lang etong gunggong na lalakeng to kaya sha nkikipagclose sakin, Ano kaya ang totoo?. baka nman friendly lang etong gunggong na lalakeng to and namimissinterpret lang nmin. Gus2 kong panghawakang yung cnabi nia na ako lang ang special sa kanya. pero parang mas talo ako kc sabay sila magbreak at kumain at umuwi. tpos lockermate pa sila. And to add insult to injuiry, dati pag uwian diretso uwi na sha, ngayon inaantay na nia yung puting aswang para sabay silang umuwi. SELOS TALAGA AKO! 

I never asked you to love me, i just wished you would, I never intented to make things complicated. it just happened. You did not ask for the feelings i have and the things i did. I just allowed my emotions to overflow. Now you're confused as much as i am. So the best thing to do since we cannot move forward and we do not want to go back is to stop. let things settle and enjoy what we have. The hardest decision for me was to let go of you and my dream of loving but you asked me to reconsider and i did,  Funny how you're within reach but still i miss you like a child yearning for her mother.  eventhough you're near me but still we're world apart. Perhaps you're right. this is a great time for me to evaluate my feelings and to evaluate us. Letting you go was a drastic move but holding on is impractical and futile. So True to the love i have for you. Im willing to wait. but im no longer gonna be waiting in a corner. i will set myself free, and if you will tag along with me, then trully WE ARE MEANT TO BE. but in the meantime you're with me and i'm with you but we're not together!

How do you expect me to forget my feelings for you? Everytime i try to give you space, You ask me to stay. There were days when you would treat me as if i dont exist, but when you're back to your senses you make me feel like im your whole world. You dont want me to spend on you. you'd rather not eat so you could just give me your food. I dont get it when u said that you only had 20 left on your pocket but u wanted to give that to me  coz i dont have enough fare to get home. i dont get it when you dont text me but when you do, it's full of sweet and nice things. I even saved them all on my phone. I dont get it when you dont wanna look at me specially if i talk about my past but when you do look at me, You stare as if you're memorizing my face.  I still remeber when you were so sleepy, you gazed at me before you closed your eyes as if you wanted my face to be the last image you see. i still remember when we we're pretending to be taking our pictures using my mirror, you always wanted my face to be close to yours. You insisted in giving your umbrella to me whenever i forgot mine. You treat me as if i am your girlfriend but it's like a seasonal girlfriend, You love me but you're scared of that love. You're so pious and im not. You said it's not a dilemma, but we both know that it is.

You made plans for us to go out, You promise to buy me donut. You know that it's the small things that i admire about you. Your compliments, you smile , your caring but the only thing i want from you is your LOVE. Unfortunatley  you said that it's the only thing you cant promise to me.

I have been warned that my personality is restless and that if i dont get what i want, i move on to a new challenge and pursue it. And his personality is the calm one, The one who sits awhile, wait untill everything is perfect before making a move. Well! talk about clash of personalities. Recently i have realized that the pain i am feeling is caused by my own faults while he is hurting because of the pressure i'm putting on him. Let's say im being unfair to me and to him. 

So with all the sanity left on me, i have decided to, with a very big heart resist my feelings. I'm calling it the sacrifice of my life. Im doing this so i can bring back tranquility on his life. He has told me that he cant sleep at night, that he dreams about our thing, and it's always on his mind. it was a good thing at first but now that it's bothering him, its about time to remove the cause of his misery.

I want him to have PEACE and i want my SLEEPY BABY to have a good night's rest.

This is not GOODBYE, This is just a GOODNIGHT~

Thanks to CHAQZ 4 the pic!

Foolish heart. and foolish me for thinking this is it, my long wait is over and i finally found somebody to be warm with. Oh! how foolish i feel right at this moment. Any minute now my baby will arrive and all the things i have prepared to say to him are all washing down the drain. My nerves are uneasy, my breathing has become to deep and all i can do is have big sighs. Last week i was so inlove with him and was dead straight in thinking that he is in love with me. now i am still inlove with him but i'm starting to doubt about his feelings for me, though he has not treated me differently, but i have noticed that he has become more distant and cold towards me. i hate this feeling i have, these doubts and fears that is bringin me down and i hate my self for being to foolish to let it go as far as it has gone, but still i dont hate him. i cant hate him. i can only love and hope and wish. or maybe perhaps grow tired of waitinG,  hoping and loving and eventually be free of this foolishness and just be FREE.

I HOPE SOMEDAY I CAN CHOOSE ME AND NOT THE PERSON WHOM I THOUGHT WILL MAKE ME HAPPY.

I thought i got it all figured out, They we're  right. It's not as easy as 123. It all started with my wanting to see PORKY's angelic face. Then that wanting grew to desire to be with him all the time. Yes, I've realized i have fallen in love with him and i think he is fond of me. He takes care of me, I'm the only one who he sings to, Im the only one that he wants to be beside him always, He misses me when where not together. he doesnt want me to be sad and he wants me to be always happy and smiling. So what am i complaining about? He's playing it safe, i know i'm important to him but he still has a lot of reservations. I know about his insecurities and he was so happy when i reassured him in my ways and in my words that He's the only one i want. but still he's reserved, not giving it all and not willing to open up. I sometimes wanna threaten him of giving him up and moving on wishing he make a move, but i'm afraid that he might take it into a rejection and slip away. He loved someone before and it took awhile and me for him to forget about her  and to move on. NOw that he has moved on, he said that if ever he'll love again, it's gonna be me. He has the feeling, he has the emotion and he has the desire. What he doesnt have is the willingness to make a move on all of those.

"I love him and he loves me. He just cant reassure me that he does"

Well i love him, and i'm willing to wait untill he's ready, but i can only wait for so long! i'm afraid that i'm slowly slipping away and with all this changes going on all around us, I dont think i can stay feeling this way about him.

I admit i'm inlove. pero katulad nga ng sinabi sakin, "Wag mong hayaan mag function ka, driven by your emotion" Lagi kc pag inlove ako, di ko ginagamit utak ko and mostly lagi akoung volatile and rushing. Recently bigla akong naging psycho kaya bigla nabaliw din sakin ang BABY ko (hindi pa kami pero gus2 kong tawagin shang BABY) > To let you in sa mga kagagahan ko, nagalit ako and i bombarded him with emails na puro kadramahan. hehehe. Buti nlang medjo mahaba pa pasensha nia kaya ok na kmi ngayon, pero i really learned my lesson kaya ayun kahit puputok na ako eh grace under pressure parin, pero honestly ang hirap nito. gabi gabi na nga lang yata eh umiiyak ako, (dahil kc ang tagal nia gumawa ng move eh) heheeh basta restless lang ako. PERO gagawin ko lahat para maging,,,

A MATCH MADE IN HEAVEN