• Pagpasok ko sa office kahapon, meron isang lasing na lalake ang humapit sa bewang ko. Siempre being the conservative lady that i am, I felt violated. (PEOPLE~ contrary to what you think of me. I am conservative, I may have been so liberated in so many ways but i still value what has been taught to me by my parents.)
• Naglalakad ako kanina at merong lalake na nakatayo sa kanto at nagyoyosi, He is cute but he's young. I always look straight up ahead whenever im walking pero this guys cguro thought that im gonna make a pass on him, so kahit maging flat as a pancake pa sha dun sa wall eh gagawin nia just to avoid me. (OK. i cant blame him, perhaps marami na shang experience na nabastos sha) Pero kuya naman. AS IF~
• Why cant i be friends or be nice to a guy without them or others thinking that i have hidden agenda's or im looking for something more than just plain friendship. (Im not a sexually animal.)
• I ask guys out but that doesnt mean that it's gonna be a romantic date or a booty call. I simply want to go out and i usually want it to be intimate. I dont like big groups coz i intend to know the person  more and on a deeper level.
• I NEVER GIVE MONEY TO GUYS~ or load or favor or sexual acts or anything. so dont ask me for that!
• I may always seem cheerful and happy but i still do have other emotions. so dont treat me as if im always in the mood for jokes.
• You may think of me as another gay person, BUT I AM TELLING YOU! im not. I am TRANSGENDERED! it's a whole lotta different than gay guys. GO AND EDUCATE YOURSELF MORON!

Second day and i still feel gloomy thinking about my significant other. Yesterday he tried to look for me but it was effortless as if its not  a big deal if he saw me or not. I tried not to let this affect me so i went home, tried to sleep and but when i woke up, i know i miss him terribly. I wanted to talk to him but i chose not to. He saw me today and said HI! i gave him a smile but i know he saw it as a sad smile. I wish i can tell him how i feel.

Before all of this, When i'm sad, he would try hard to find out what's wrong with me. be supportive and make me feel better. All of that seemed to be the thing of the past.

I miss my baby and i'm inlove with him badly. But i cant have him. Im afriad to give it all coz i know he cant. They say that when we love it should be unconditional. Ours can never be unconditional. OURS CAN NEVER BE~

I had the longest sleep this morning since i started my GY schedule. As i woke up, MY special someone was the first thing on my mind but for some strange reason, instead of me being excited to be thinking about him. I'm hating him.. I still dont know why, i just do. I dont remember anything that he's done to me to make me hate him. As a matter of fact he was kindda supportive and understandin about my emotions with this wretched schedule that i have now. He even went out of his way just to pacify me when i was about to breakdown. SHEET~ i need a lot of introspection to figure why im hating his guts right now.

Could it be that i was expecting i could cuddle just to feel secure and think everythings gonna be ok but since that didnt happen. Im ranting my heads out.?

Could it be that im being overly jealous again?

Could it be that i'm feeling insecure again and think that he doesnt love me at all?

I need something more substantial and i need someone more emotionally commited to me! shIt i need to get a life!

all of a sudden, ayaw mo na akong makita pa. all these time tuloy paran isiniksik ko lang ang sarili ko sayo para makaramdam kahit papano ng pagmamahal. pagmamahal na ipinakilala mong buo, at totoo, pero nan nagtagal, hati pala.

pero sabi mo tanggapin ko kung ano ka. kahit ano ka pa. at ginawa ko yun. umaasa na kahit papano, makita mo ko.

pero hanggang sa huli pala, siya pa rin. ang swerte niya.

dahil yung pinapangarap kong pagmamahal galing sayo, sa kanya napupunta. yung atensyon, pag-aalala, konsiderasyon ng nararamdaman at kahit testi sa friendster na gawa mo, sa kanya lahat. exclusive lahat sa kanya.

minsan naiisip ko nang magsisi. kung bakit pa kita minahal. pero hindi ko magawa. ang hirap. hindi ko alam kung kelan kita sinimulang mahalin. at hindi ko gusto tapusin 'to.

pinapasaya mo ko sa tuwing magkasama tayo. siguro kahit masakit minsan na alam kong may mahal kang iba, okay lang, basta kasama kita. pero ngayon pati pagkikita natin ayaw mo na.

sabi mo handa ka magpakatino para sa kanya. dahil sa kanya mo nararamdamang secure ka. ang sakit tanggapin. ouch ung truth na after all, siya pa rin talaga. napaka wrong timing ko talaga sayo. at hindi ko na malalaman kun magkakaroon pa ng tamang panahon para sa atin. obyus kasing ako na lang ang ayaw bumitiw.

hindi ko kaya.

'and then i'll go away, but i'll have to love you for the rest of my life" -by the river piedra i sat down and wept 

BY: MALIGNANTQUIAPO

After two day of working from 10pm to 6am. My beautiful body cant take it anymore. i was so dizzy goin home this morning and i think i had morning sickness (OMG! i might be pregnant)

After working 15 years in a regular morning job. My body cant take a sudden shift from morning to graveyard. 

And to keep my energy level. i always pig out>  I mean binge. look>

WALA LANG SHaRE KO LANG~

I Dont think im gay enough for this? coz im more of a woman than gay, hehehe (CHOZE!).

Im such a huge fan of migs (manilagayguy) and he introduce this site PINOYGAYBLOG to all gaybloggers.

I think it's a great idea and hopefully with this site, people can finally open their eyes and see that gaybloggers are the best.

I hope that with this, all gay people will unite and make our country the richest and gayest country in the world, hehehe

WORLDPEACE?

So AGAIN. if u wanna be included and BE PRETTY just click proudness

and if u wanna see the future president click migs

and these can also be found in PUNTA KAYO

"SPREAD GAYNESS NOT THE DISEASE"

tama na to! ang hirap mag english

BAKit ako walang pic? sabi sakin ni marvin nung mabasa nia yung blog ko. So here's my response to that previous entry PAALAM NA. We decided to have dinner together since pauwi na sha eh papasok plang ako.

Anyway while having dinner eh tumawag sakin si doc so pinapunta ko na lang sha since sobrang early namin pumasok.

 Pede ba nman na mwala ka sa picture? 

Anyway it was fun kahit sandali lang lang kami nagkasamasama. pero binabawi ko yung sinabi ko nung kinuha ko to.

 

At dahil sakin to, hindi ako papatalo sa mga pictures noh.

At marvin gus2 kong magpasalamat sa binili mong red iced tea sakin.Kahit sabi mo na lazy ako kaya ikaw na ang bumili dahil nabilaukan kana. HEHEHEH. still it's the thought that counts  kaya wag mo na kontrahin pede?. hehehe

Sabi ni lola sakin kung anu ano daw ang mga pinagbibibili ko na hindi nman magagamit. Dapat daw tigilan ko na yun. Meron kc shang nakita sa kwarto ko at hindi nia maintindihan kung para saan yun.

 "Lola. Alarm clock po yan, baliktad lang ang pagkakahawak mo kaya di mo maintindihan."

I was on my restday when someone from the office called me to inform me that i'll be transferred to another account. Although i dont mind, i can't help but be sad to think that i'll be leaving all my friends. After 1 year and 2 months, i'll be coming to work and not see all the familiar faces i've been accustomed to.

My friend neil drew my face as i was pourin my heart out, telling him about a recent past that defined who i am today. He was able to draw me in 15 minutes. Tnx for a nice gift.

And perhaps another remembrance from a friend. I was out on the elevator talking to someone when Leoric stepped out to wait for the lift. He was teasing me by saying i love you, miss you baby, take care, while holding a phone as if speaking with someone. So i took a picture of him hoping to catch a stolen shot but he was fast coz here is what i got.

Anyway since it was my last day, He said that we should have a pic together. so here's our pic.

Tinanong sakin ni CHOLENG dati, "Talaga bang after dito sa offfice eh diretso kana ng bahay?"  Well recently hindi na ganun, dahil madalas eh nagkikita kmi ng bestfriend ko dahil finally eh me trabaho na sha. Pero ngayon ko narealize na dapat pla eh noon pako naglalakwatsa dahil madalas hindi ako familiar sa mga lugar. Katulad nalang nung dapat eh magkikita kami sa BUENDIA MRT STATION. Nakalimutan ko na meron palang masasakyan sa ayala pero pumunta pako sa RCBC para dun sumakay ng jeep. Which was a big mistake dahil sumobra ako at sa edsa nako nakababa.

Anyway masaya naman pagmagkasama kami dahil puro okrayan ang ginagawa namin sa mga taong nakikita namin. We've  known each other since 2nd year highschool pero nung 4th year lang kami naging close ad since then madalas na kaming magkasama.

its late and i should really be dozing off right now but i have to put this on my blog.
Im kinda elated to see that my blog is searchable in google and yahoo. Just type cliogoddess and it's there though the first two searches are my odeo account.

i now have a copy of betterdays and my favorite song as of the moment. "I NEVER DREAMED SOMEONE LIKE YOU COULD LOVE SOMEONE LIKE ME" by katie irving from the movie carrie

Dahil feeling ko ang tagal ko ng hindi nag uunwind, Niyaya ko c nap na manood kmi ng sine. Siempre kabaklaan ang pinanood nmin. HAPPY HEARTS dahil sobrang tagal bago ipalabas ang DREAMGIRLS. Although maganda ang movie, nakakainis lang dahil sa gitna ng movie merong 5 mins na eto lang ang makikita mo.

Pauwi na kami ni nap ng meron kaming nakasalubong na lalake, Dahil likas akong mahiyain (CHOZE!) Gumilid ako at diretso lang akong naglakad. pero meron akong naririnig na tumatawag sakin, Paglingon ko, Yung lalakeng nakasalubong nmin pala ang tumatawag sakin. Tpos dun lang nagregister na Ex ko pla sha nung  college. Hindi ko napigilan at sa loob ng robinson manila eh napatili ako coz i have been wanting to meet him again and after 4 years eh nagkita kami ulit. Grabeh ang tibok ng puso ko nun at halos hindi ako makapagsalita. He gave me his number and i even verified it pero ang tanga ko dahil hindi ko sha miniss call right there and then. Ngayon wala parin kami communication dahil invalid yung  number nia. SUYA~ i just wish na sa darating na BDAY ko eh pupuntahan nia ako sa bahay. Kc never nia nman nakalimutan yun eh. Kala lang nia nsa states nako kaya hindi na sha pumupunta sa bahay tuwing bday ko.

And speaking of old friends na nagbabalik. 2 weeks ago. eh meron daw akong klasmeyt na pumunta sa bahay pero dahil takaw tulog ang lola nio. 5 pm plang ng hapon, nakahilata nko sa kama. Hinayang na hinayang ako dahil close kami nun nung highschool at sobrang miss ko nang hinahawakan ang kamay nia kc ang ganda ng kamay nia.( i have this thing with goodlooking hands) Kahapon pumunta ako ng admin office para magpapalit ng GC. Nakatayo ako sa harap ng elevator ng meron akong napansin na lalakeng super ngiti na papalapit sakin. Nung nakilala ko sha hindi ko na nman napigilan ang sarili ko at napatili ako sa lobby ng office. (KAKAHIYA). Nalaman ko na kakalipat lang pla ng damuho sa company. (nyeta sana gumising nlang ako nung dumalaw sia sa bahay, sayang ang referral) Anyway konting kamustahan at konting biruan eh nagyaya agad ang mokong na umalis kmi pero since new hire sha at walang pang sweldo eh ako daw ang manlibre (KAPAL NG MUKHA!) I would like to go out with him pero ngayon na mejo nagulo ang magiging future ko sa office eh baka hindi muna mangyari yun,. pero mabuti na rin yun dahil atleast, pagumalis na kami eh me sweldo na sha.

Nawala na yung pagiging boyish nia pero nandun parin yung kakulitan nia.

Anung problema mo, Natatakot kaba na mas credible ako kesa sayo? ARe u THREATENED BY MY EXPERTISE?

Magaral ka kc.

Dont worry naniniwala nman ako na ang mga katulad mo na hindi binayayaan ng angking talino eh pede nman mag effort para maging madunong.

Tsaka pede ba tigilan ang nakakasukang crab mentality. HIndi mo ba pansin na pag meron kayong ginawang mali eh ok lang sakin dahil lahat naman ng tao nagkakamali, pero bkit pag kami, kulang nalang magpatawag kayo ng COURT MARSHALL para ipatapon kmi sa romblon.

bakit ka nagngingitnit jan? Kasalanan ko ba na mas pinagkakatiwalaan ako kesa sayo?

Payo ko lang ha, Kahit hindi mukhang magaling. Project ka nlang na magaling ka. pero wag mo namn ipangalandakan na nsa KAPANGYARIHAN kc mas nagmumukha kang insecure.

At alam mo ba ha, Ako eh never na nagpapansin at nagpasikat kc nman maganda nako so kusa nalang akong sumikat. Isa yun sa dapat mong tangapin.

Isa ka lang dandruff sa ulo ko~ SO kahit mas nakakataas ka. pede kitang shampuhin.

After every electrifying honeymoon comes the dreadful part when you realize that your partner has annoying habits that you just can't take. It is those pet peeves that you thought your partner doesnt have but now that things are done in partnership, you discover that your partner can really get into your nerves.

My baby and i have been sharing alot of things lately and eventhough we hardly see each other because of our schedules, We are always in touch because of modern technology plus we see to it that everyday we have 1 hour of quality time together.

I dont know if it's just raging hormones or what but i cant stand his presence. I get annoyed when he's grooving a dance move. It's like I abhor it so much and i pity anyone who has to stand up with that kind of humiliation and repugnant image and then i realized that the person is me. I was fuming mad when HE left my pillow hanging about and didnt even care to tell me about it. I was aggrevated to see that he left our lock open and the worse for me above it all. Not only did he return our utensil in the right cupboard but he returned it soaking wet. F^3%*ng hell! i mean is it really such an effort for someone to wipe dry 1 spoon, 1 fork and 1 small plate and return them where they belong! SYET~ AYOKO NG MAGLIHI. BUt i still love him though pero i promise! I'll try not to nag about it so much but everyone knows i wont be able to do it. CONTROL MY NAGGING THAT IS.

Patulog nako isang boring na hapon ng biglang nakareceive ako ng txt msg galing kay B!

 B: Musta? nu gwa u?

GODDESS: E2 nkhiga, Himala sibilisado k ngayon. hehehe

B: mron kc nagpasa ng load skin so tinxt kita. kwento ka nman.

GODDESS: anu nman ikekwento ko?

B: yung nanyari syu nun mon. sbi mo di ka nagenjoy.

GODDESS: OO nga eh, nagvideoke kc kmi tpos yung crush ko kung kelan lasing na sha, tsaka nia ako hindi pinansin.

B: hahaha , dapat di mo na pinainum.

GODDESS: tpos naglakad pako ng malayo kc wala akong masakyan na taxi.

B: lagi ka nlang naglalakad, nung nakaraan diba naglakad karin pauwi.

GODDESS: oo kc wala nga akong masakyan tsaka kala ko malapit lang eh

B: wag mo sanayin na naglalakad ka pauwi. sayang ang bago mong cellphone.

GODDESS: leche, ka kala ko nman concern ka sakin yun pla sa cellphone ko lang

B: hahaha

GODDESS: sobrang init ngayon noh? gus2 kong magmall. nood tayong sine.

B: nyeek sana kahapon, di me pede ngayon, aalis ako tsaka zero balance ako kc bukas pa sweldo noh.

GODDESS: minsan lang ako magyaya. matagal bago maulit to. (creating urgency)

Tpos hindi na sha nagreply. ewan!

Well actually, what i miss are the days when i used to be close with guys. I could joke and flirt with them harmlessly and no trace of disgust or indifference on the side of the boys i used to hung out with. Back then, my paglalambing are just as innocent as any paglalambing of a young girl towards any older men. Now i could never ask someone to hug me or i could never lean over a guy without them being conscious or i being conscious for them. Perhaps i just miss being in contact with someone that im saying this things. Ah basta i wanna flirt more and not worry about the image of me being a tramp or me having hidden desires towards male species. Kung tutuusin, it's my foult na rin nman kc im so verbally expliciit and i always talk with sexual undertones but i just wish people would not be as narrow-minded as to think that i solely function based on sex. Freudian concept is so last century.

 

My kuya's barkada. Ang taba ko GOSH~

 

10:00PM - Nagluto ako ng ginisang corned beef.

05:25AM - Inilagay ko sa bag ang baon ko.

06:15AM - Nilagay ko sa ref ang dala ko.

MAKALIPAS ANG 4 AT KALAHATING ORAS! NANGYARI ANG LAGIM!

10:35AM - Nag Lunch nako.

10:45AM - Pumasok ako ng pantry para ihanda ang pagkain ko

10.47AM - Walang akong pagkaing nakita sa loob ng ref, pantry at kahit sa bag ko.

Hindi ko na nakita ang adobong manok, ginisang corned beef at ang malamig na kanin.~

Kung sino man ang kumuha at kumain, alam kong nabusog ka dahil dinala ko yan para sa akin at sa isang taong mahalaga sakin! pero kung inisip mo na para sayo yan, SIGE! SAYO NA NGA LANG!

Hayaan mo sa susunod, Mas Masarap ang dadalhin ko!

Yan ang pangalan ng isang blog na nominated sa BLOGGER's CHOICE AWARDS (PHILIPPINE BLOG AWARDS.)

Ibang klase yan. At ngayon sana tuloy tuloy na ang pag-update.

Kaya za walang magawa, funta kayo za vlog na to dahil sovrang punny talaga.

UPSTAGE ME!

Actually nanay ng cop.

Nangyari eto kaninang paguwi ko galing opisina. Araw araw kasing pumupunta ang lola ko sa barangay hall para makipagkita sa kanyang ka-rosary group. Sila ang mga lola na lakas tama kay mama mary at araw araw nagrorosaryo at nagdadasal para sa mga kaluluwa ng mga dedbol na. After nun siempre reminiscing sila ng mga kilig moments nung kabataan nila. Yung mga tipong makindatan lang sila ni gregory del pilar at emilio aguinaldo eh hindi na sila makatulog at siempre ang mga tsismisan moments nila melchora aquino at gregoria de jesus. Anyway magtatago na dapat ako sa lungga ko nang maglambing si lola na ihatid ko daw sha. Pagdating namin dun, wala pang ang national historic committe kaya tumambay nlang si lola sa katabing tindahan. Pagkaupong pagkaupo, order ang loka ng pastry at softdrinks. nagpaalam nako ng pigilan ako ni lola dahil naiwan daw pla nia ang kanyang wallet. (STYLE MO BULOK!) So cge magkano lang ba yun? Dumudukot nako ng pera nang biglang sabi ni lola bigyan ko daw sha ng 100. (HUWAAAATTT??) magkano ba ang pastry at softdrink na yun? Nalaman ko na meron pa shang utang kahapon na kaylangang bayaran.

BUWAYA~ hehe

Simple lang ako lalu na pagdating sa pabango, minsan nga kahit off-the-shower scent lang ok na sakin. Mejo sensitive kc ako sa mga matatapang na pabango, Dont get me wrong siempre masarap rin naman na meron kang kayakap na COOL WATER, ISSEY MIYAKE or BURBERRY BRIT. Pero minsan rin nman masakit na sa ilong pag laging ganun lang ang naamoy mo. So the best parin ang simpleng cologne lang o kahit wala na basta wala lang ibang amoy. Pero hindi ko kinaya ang pabango ng katabi ko kanina sa jeep, cguro meron din nagsabi sa kanya na nothing beats baby scents. pero kuya nman pag sinabing POWDER FRESH! wag nman eto ang gamitin mo.

Eto na nman ang cycle ko, Cguro talagang ganun yata ang feeling pag nagfufluctuate ang hormones. Minsan tawa ka ng tawa tpos minsan konting bagay lang eh naiiyak ka na agad. Masahol pako sa isang luka luka na 3 araw ng hindi kumakain. Pero kung tutuusin dapat masaya ako dahil kahapon lang eh merong heart shaped chocolate na ibinigay sakin at tsinansingan ako nung crush ko hehe (Sinanggi nia kc yung breasts ko eh, hahaha). Pero hindi parin yun sapat para iwaksi etong nararamdaman ko. Cguro nga dahil lang to sa hormones. Kc parang ganito rin yung entry ko nung nsa high levels ng hormones ko eh. CLICK DEPRESSION STRIKES ME BACK!

Why is it hard for me to forget? I know i have forgiven you years ago and besides I shouldn't harbor any ill feellings since i didnt had any rights over the person that is dear to both of us. I admit i was so jealous. I felt betrayed and i was really hurt by all that has transpired. You are now asking me if we could have the same friendship we had before, I dont loathe you but just like KRIS said, FORGIVENESS IS A PROCESS~ and im the type of person who really needs time to process things. Just to be honest to myself, I dont think "the friendship that we had" was not even a real friendship but just mutual acquintance since we work in the same place. I may be harsh and i may be steadfast about this, call me stubborn but for me to be nice to you and treat you as if things was not crazy between us is mere pretention and hypocrisy. Im sorry but that's how i feel. Here is my previous entry regarding my feeling back then, click jealous stricken.

Ipinagmamalaki ng lola ko ang ITLOG na nakita nia minsang nagbukas at nagbati sha ng itlog. Nakita nalang daw nia na merong undeveloped egg na nahulog dun sa binabati niang itlog. Ayon sa matatanda (as if lola ko hindi matanda?) maswerte daw yun so kanya itong itinago. Maswerte nga dahil hapon ng bumili sha ng kanyang maintenace medicines at nung gabing yun, nagbigay ako ng 500  dahil lasing ako.~ swerte nga sha, malas ako.

I think it's true? GREAT MEN ARE ALWAYS TAKEN~ Or They are gay~

Pumunta kami sa bahay nila jeff sa sucat para dun i-celebrate ang 23rd bday ni kaye. konting kain, inom at pasahan ng lemon ang ginagawa nmin dun, kantahan at gitarahan ang naging tema ng pagsasalo.

the best ang favorite couch ko. 

Just to give u guys idea kung anu itsura ng bahay nila jeff sa sucat.

and the kitchen

KAYE: Sana nagenjoy ka, pero alam ko nman na masaya ka eh.

JEFF: Maraming salamat sa pagpapaunlak sa inyong bahay.

 HAYDEE: Marami kay picture pero hidi ko pede ilagay d2, heheh.

para kay julius and fidel. MAASIM TALAGA parang si ANTHONY!

Dahil kay neil, Hndi nako virgin. Nagsimula eto isang boring na hapon sa office. Duon sha nakapwesto sa bandang dulo kung saan wala ng ibang taong naka upo. Lumapit ako sa kanya at tumabi, sabi ko dun nlang ako magtratrabaho para nman meron shang makakwentuhan. "OK lang" daw at siempre simpleng kamustahan tapos itunutok ko na ang atensyion ko sa pagtratrabaho. lumipas ang ilang sandili, bigla shang may inalok sakin, Napatitig ako sa kanya, aninag sa mata nia ang pagaanyaya. Una, ayoko sana dahil nahihiya ako pero naisip ko na wala nmang masama kung tatanggapin ko yung alok nia, mabuti nga yun dahil siguradong mas lalalim pa ang pagkakakilala nmin sa isang isa. Ipinahawak nia sakin at naramdaman ko na mainit ito sa palad, napansin ko rin na sobrang lapad nia, halos hindi kasya sa kamay ko, pedeng isang kamay lang pero mas mananamnam ko pag dalawang kamay. Marahan ko shang inilapit sa aking mga labi, hindi ko sha pedeng pisilin dahil napansin ko na meron lalabas sa dulo. unti unti ko ibinuka ang aking labi at dahan dahan kong ipinasok at isinubo sa aking bibig, Hindi ko mawari ang lasa pero nasarapan ako. so ilang beses ko shang inulit at habang ginagawa ko yun, cgurado ako sa aking sarili na masarap sha at uulit ulitin ko shang gawin, Malapit ng matapos ng biglang may lumabas sa bulo ng hawak ko at napahid sa aking pisngi, Hiyang hiya ako dahil nagmukha akong atat na matapos yun. "MASARAP DIBA?" tanong sakin ni NIEL. Ngiti nlang ang nasabi ko. Tumayo na sha at umalis dahil tapos na ang trabaho nia. Uminom ako ng tubig at itunuloy na ang pagtratrabaho ko pero sa isip ko sigurado akong uulit-ulitin ko yun. Dahil talaga palang masarap sha. Kaya itry nio rin na kumain ng JAMAICAN PATTIES.

AGENT: So to qualify you for the service, i would need to have your social security number for the credit check.

CUSTOMER: It is 5634373.

AGENT: OK sir you passed the credit check and now i will give you your account number.  It is 5-6-3-4-3-7-3.

CUSTOMER: OK. got it.

AGENT: SIR? I think the number i gave you is your social security number. (MUTE: bwahahah at kinuha nman nia.)

CUSTOMER: ?Z?Z?Z?

 EWAN KO SENYONG DALAWA~

naiyak ako~

Sa aking pagtanda, unawain mo sana ako at pagpasensyahan. Kapag dala ng kalabuan ng mata ay nakabasag ako ng pinggan o nakatapon ng sabaw sa hapag kainan, huwag mo sana akong kagagalitan. Maramdamin ang isang matanda. Nagse-self-pity ako sa tuwing sisigawan mo ako.

Kapag mahina na ang tenga ko at hindi ko maintindihan ang sinasabi mo, huwag mo naman sana akong sabihan ng "binge!" pakiulit nalang ang sinabi mo o pakisulat na lang. Pasensya ka na, anak. Matanda na talaga ako.

Kapag mahina na tuhod ko, pagtiyagaan mo sana akong tulungang tumayo, katulad ng pag-aalalay ko sa iyo noong nag-aaral ka pa lamang lumakad.

Pagpasensyahan mo sana ako kung ako man ay nagiging makulit at paulit-ulit na parang sirang plaka. Basta pakinggan mo na lang ako. Huwag mo sana akong pagtatawanan o pagsasawaang pakinggan. Natatandaan mo anak noong bata ka pa? kapag gusto mo ng lobo, paulit-ulit mo 'yong sasabihin, maghapon kang mangungulit hangga't hindi mo nakukuha ang gusto mo. Pinagtyagaan ko ang kakulitan mo.

 Pagpasensyahan mo na rin sana ang aking amoy. Amoy matanda, amoy lupa. Huwag mo sana akong piliting maligo. Mahina na ang katawan ko. Madaling magkasakit kapag nalamigan, huwag mo sana akong pandirihan. Natatandaan mo noong bata ka pa? Pinatyagaan kitang habulin sa ilalim ng kama kapag ayaw mong maligo.

Pagpasensyahan mo sana kung madalas, ako'y masungit, dala na marahil ito ng katandaan. Pagtanda mo, maiintindihan mo rin.

Kapag may konti kang panahon, magkwentuhan naman tayo, kahit sandali lang. Inip na ako sa bahay, maghapong nag-iisa. Walang kausap. Alam kong busy ka sa trabaho, subalit nais kong malaman mo na sabik na sabik na akong makakwentuhan ka, kahit alam kong hindi ka interesado sa mga kwento ko. Natatandaan mo anak, noong bata ka pa? Pinagtyagaan kong pakinggan at intindihin ang pautal-utal mong kwento tungkol sa iyong teddy bear.

At kapag dumating ang sandali na ako'y magkakasakit at maratay sa banig ng karamdaman, huwag mo sana akong pagsawaan alagaan. Pagpasensyahan mo na sana kung ako man ay maihi o madumi sa higaan, pagtyagaan mo sana akong alagaan sa mga huling sandali ng aking buhay. Tutal hindi na naman ako magtatagal.

Kapag dumating ang sandali ng aking pagpanaw, hawakan mo sana ang aking kamay at bigyan mo ako ng lakas ng loob na harapin ang kamatayan.

At huwag kang mag-alala, kapag kaharap ko na ang Diyos na lumikha, ibubulong ko sa kanya na pagapalain ka sana ... dahil naging mapagmahal ka sa iyong ama't ina...

Habang nakatayo ako, iniisip ko kung anung landas ang tatahakin ko upang makasiguro na ligtas akong makakapunta sa aking destinasyon!

lalim noh? actually tungkol ito sa pag uwi ko galing sucat. ANg pinakamagandang way daw pauwi eh lawton na fx tpos bababa ako ng roxas blvd tpos sasakay ng jeep papuntang taft. OK~ mejo madali lang pala dahil familliar ako sa mga lugar.

Pagbaba ko ng fx alam kong konting lakad lang eh meron nako jeep na makikita. pero pagod nko kakalakad bakit wala akong jeep na makita? so naisip ko na diretsuhin na lang dahil sayang nman kung magtataxi pako dahill alam ko naman namalapit na yung taft eh. ngayon sigurado nako na HINDI MALAPIT ANG TAFT SA ROXAS BOULEVARD!. 

Nabuhayan ako ng loob nung nakita ko na yung LRT. pero unti unti rin akong nagsisi dahil 5 kanto pa pala bago ang sakayan pauwi~ AWANG AWA ako sa sarili ko kagabi pero katangahan ko nman yun so next time~ bibili nako ng sasakyan! CHOZE~

 Nope! This is not my sideline. This is the image boys see me and no matter how i try to shed that image, many would still think that i'm a haven for prepaid loads. I recently met a guy who was very nice to me. We were so comfortable with one another and we immediately clicked so to speak but then that magic word "can i ask a favor from you?, I just need to contact someone and it's so important, CAn you send me even 5 shillings load?" I know 5 shillings worth of load is insignificant but what bugs me would be the image associated with it. I believe that 5 will be 10 and 10 would be 500 in the future in load or cash form. I have always told myself that i wont spend anything on a man unless that person has proven he's relationship with me is not based on money. Dont get me wrong i dont mind spending specially for my love ones but as the old saying goes "love is a two way street" IF i would have to spend, my man should spend for me too. I find it pathetic for others who think that LOVE=MONEY coz i believe that LOVE+MONEY from me should egual LOVE+MONEY from him. Im sorry but im too beautiful to be used as a source of income. AND I DONT CARE IF YOU THINK IM SO HYPOCRITE~ I JUDT DONT WANNA BE USED! PERIOD!