I was sleuthing on youtube when i stumbled upon this video diary of Angelina Jolie's trip to kenya with poverty expert Dr. Jeffrey Sachs. (YOUTUBE VIDEO) It is heartbreaking to see such extreme poverty but i never thought that a simple $7 mosquito net have radically reduced the incidence of malaria cases in one of the vilages there. It is really an innovative technique to lace the nets with insecticide that prevents the disease from spreadin but safe enough for people to use it for 5 years. There was also this farm where crops are as malnourished as the farmers but when they taught them proper farm technique, Their production went from 2-6 bags to 40-60 per harvest. (they only needed fertilizer to achieve it, calling on Jocjoc! we need your help!)

For most people. "that is a bad and sad story but what can i do? im just a simple person with problems of my own" but imagine this, We are a population of millions and if all of us think that way, we really wouldnt get anything done, but if all of us think the other way, we are a very powerful force. I remembered this campaign by ONE.ORG.

  *For mareng Geisha> i know you cant open youtube, hehehe* The ad basically says that people are dying every minute or every minute another person gets infected with Aids or malaria or TB but there is still hope as more and more people gets informed about this and how they can help. The most compelling thing about this ad for someone as frugal and poor like me  "We're not asking for your money. We're asking for you voice"

I am part of this campaign for years now and i tell you that they only send emails to me when there are special issues that they need signatures for so they can send it to UN or G8 or to those who can actually do something about it. So it really wouldnt hurt to sign up here! and i noticed that tags on blog are so effective so please, try to spread this campaign and ask everyone to sign-up.

I am a young traveller

with my suitcase full of hope.

I am on my journey to a land where i can free

for the world i live in restricts me.

I started my quest with nothing but a wish

wearing nothing but a simple dress

because my family was not ready for me to leave

but i have to be free.

I met a lot of people

who said they will help me

but they only used me

tried to get my suitcase away from me.

Life is tough they say

but i am holding on to my suitcase

even if it means i will be alone

Please dont hurt me,

Please understand me

i just want to find that place im looking for

A place where i can finally put my suitcase to rest.

There have been talltale signs that i am not taking care of myself the way that im supposed to. Three nights i go, i had some pressure in my heart. It was not pain but more of a discomfort or heaviness, There have been instances that i felt this way before so i could have Angina Pectoris (chest pain resulting from lack of oxygen in the heart muscles due to obstruction or spasm of coronary arteries) or i may have Atherosclerosis (hardening of arteries due to plaque.) and then last night i was performing self breast exam and i thought i felt a lump but it was just actually my ribs. (yess i am that skinny)

I could go on with crazy symptoms and diseases i might have, (STD, very unlikely since im celibate. NODULES, only after howling during gimick nights, RAT BITE FEVER, i think i was bitten by a rat, but i didnt have fever and there are only 11 cases of rabies infection from rats all over the world. etc)

Then i remembered HYPOCHONDRIASIS (a condition of excessive preoccupation or worry about having a serious illness) this is categorized under Somatoform Disorders (mental disorder)

I need to have work soon, im getting crazier by the minute, hahaha. Where is MAXICARE when you need one?

On a lighter note. I know im just getting paranoid since im not doing anything for the past 3 months, I mean im happy because im learning alot from reading but im getting rusty since i really hate passive learning. I need some action in life. hehe. Last time i rode a cab, The driver had the scariest red eyes. (the kind you get from not sleeping or from just getting up from sleep or getting drunk or high) and he was staring at me. Oh boy, my mind was racing with crazy thoughts, i actually had to stash my money inside my bra coz i was scared who would hold me up or rape me (personally i dont mind him raping me, bwahaha) and it didnt help when he suddenly turned to this unlighted street besides PACO PARK>old cemetery during spanish era turned into a park< but he was a good driver so i gave him 100 for my fare.Last night, Another driver was flirting with me in the most unflaterring way. Another driver saw us and the flirt driver wanted to ask him if i am TRUE OR FALSE. Fucking second driver said I AM PIRATED! (men could really be sexist) but they both agree, im beautiful and that very moment, I was thinking. "Fuck you, if you want me to give you a blowjob, just ask! stupid man, you didnt have to elaborately call me things. ASSHOLE"

I've been tagged for the second time by HONEY. I think the tag says i need to list bloggers that i admire. I wont do that. bwahahahah but my entry will be about a comment made by honey and something similar made by ifoundme (yes nandamay pako)

 I know there have been entries here that sometimes provoke or stir some kind of controversy and out of respect, conflict avoidance or political correctness, people who dont agree would rather say nothing. I understand. i am one of those people who would rather keep my opinions to myself just to be agreeable.

In time where everyone is passionate to stand their ground for the things they believe in. It is hard to oppose, to disagree and to have a debate. In our society, debate starts with one topic and branches out to 8 million little issues and ends up with personal attacks. (need example? just watch the news) This practice of debate is so entwined in our culture that we would rather shut up, smile, agree then bitch when the other person is no longer present. It is funny because in debates. famous people are always quoted, emotions run high. voices are raised and characters are destroyed just to seem credible and their opinions acceptable. 

It is easy to be safe than to taint a friendship. I understand this very well. Somebody would rather keep opposite opinion at bay just to show support or just to avoid confrontations or debate. That's why i dont have debates coz the purpose is to defend your side and win it. I would rather have DIALOGUES coz there is room for listening, arguing and expressing ideas without being pushy or harsh.

In a democratic society, One of the best proponents of you and me and others as being EQUAL, is the right to say whatever we wanna say without limitations or censorship. Freedom of speech and Freedom of expression safeguards that all people are equal and this we should never allow to be taken away from us but as all any other rights, we have the responsibility and accountability.

"Your Right stops where mine begins" 

I am a believer of Freedom of speech. I exercise it whenever i feel it is needed and as a reminder, the great Noam Chomsky once said; "If you believe in freedom of speech, you believe in freedom of speech for views you don't like."

So for those who are reading my blog and doesnt agree with me, say it. because i know who i am. I always disagree with people's opinions but i never disagree with them as people. and by doing that, you are actually doing me a favor because when you say your opinions, you are actually giving me the opportunity to think and see your view and hopefully expand mine. 

tagged by ifoundme tse!

i dont care about products, mostly coz i dont have money to buy them but im gonna do this narin.

HAIR: Clear shampoo is the best specially the orange one (if its not orange forgive me i might be color blind) if clear is not available, try head & shoulders the yellow one. Dont use other shampoos since they have harsh ingredients. I dont use conditioner (im bad i know) although sometimes i dont wash my hair because natural oil is still the best for my hair.

FACE: Acne soap or kojic soap from my derma to clean it. i use tinted sunblock from my derma as my foundation, black eyeliner, foreign glittery cake for my eyelids, unknown lipstick as my blush color and nivea cherry lips for my smoochers.

MOUTH/TEETH: I love close up, they have more mouthwash but i highly recommend HAPPY toothpaste, they dont irritate plus you will be helping disabled workers. LAMOIYAN should be praised.

BODY: Dove soap or ivory soap (the mildest but the best) sunblock with titanium from my derma (yes im radioactive in the morning) skinwhite if im poor and pink johnsons baby lotion if i wanna relax.

FEET: Baby oil or petroleum jelly which i also used to put on my lips before goin to bed.

A home for me is not a place but an idea of security and peace but the search for that HOME and not having it completely cause more chaos to me than being lost in this world.

I  thought i found my home and when things go wrong, i revert back to my home and i always come back to Him. He manages to secure me, calm me down and to enliven me but he also manages to cause me half of the turbulence i have in my life.

It makes me wonder, why does people that we love, impact us the fullest. Parents cause their children unbelievable pain, children gives unbearable agony and partners can crumble even the toughest person with words and actions. but we love them still despite of all that and forgive them easily with just a simple sorry, a simple touch or even just by showing up in front of you.

 I wanna find my home cause im tired of daydreaming what my home would be like if im there. i hope you let me in. Let me see what's inside because it's cold and dark where i am at.

Human personality is complex, PERSONA is an italian word that is derived from latin meaning "MASK" and i learned in psych class that everyone has a collection of masks they used in different situations. Of course there would be FAVORITE MASK and this particular one is what people want others to recognize them with. I for one have multiple masks that i use and this is evident when im talking with my DAD, Whenever he is around, my voice changes into this small, child-like tone, a needing, helpless, shy little child that tries to sound uninterested with his presence. When im with my kindred friend, i assume the role of the one with life experience that has wisdom and vulnerability to share. Sometimes im the lost little girl without a clue about life when im with someone who seems to know everything and most of the time, im the one uninterested with anything when intimidated or bored. when im flirting, im this sexually confident woman which is ironic because i am really prude.

People tend to judge others depending on the mask they have and sometimes these people are so convinced that their assumptions are correct. For someone with a weak personality, public perception becomes their reality and they lose who they really are. I recently invited my cute friend out for a night. I was with a friend and i kinda said i want her to meet him in passing but she heard that im gonna hook them up and she made an all night litany on how she is soo pretty to have all boys wanting her. (stop stating the obvious coz it hurts my ear.) When my new guy friend arrived, i can say my girlfriends was smitten but after the casual hellos. attention was all mine since im the only one he knows and this was considered a rejection from him and my girlfriends concluded that he must be gay and this went on until the next day. My friend actually liked my girl but he is such a nice gentleman who doesnt flirt on the first meeting. He has one of the greatest values i've seen in a man and this made him gay in my girls' eyes since he didnt jump into urges. i am actually pissed because a good mannered guy who treats women differently is trashed talked because over inflated egos were bruised.

Exactly 2 weeks ago, i lost my phone. The last time i saw it was friday night, when i invited my new friends over for a night of beer. After i had my dose, i walked them out and went straight to my room but i explicitly remember seeing my phone in the living room. 12 hrs had passed when i decided to look for my phone to charge it but the cleaning lady had already been through the living room and she didnt see my phone there. I asked everyone but no one saw it.

I lost my first phone this way too, I left it in the living room and never found it so i was kinda disheartened to accept that i'll never find my 12 thousand phone again. Everyone theorized who could have taken it. My grandma thinks its my new friends but i know they didnt take it since i saw it after they have left, I personally thought it was one of the delivery guys because our house is open for them to come in for delivery. My good friend christian said he lost his car keys and a jacket the same way, He thinks a little monster steals and hides them from him ( i love him, christian, hehe)

One night i dreamt of my phone and saw it in my new nephew's crib. The next morning while everyone's in the living room. I decided to check my nephew's crib, On the side of the crib was a big pocket and inside was my niece's lunch box that she doesnt use. Inside was my phone.

I was relieved since i dont have to buy a new one (im broke so i cant really buy new phone) My niece had always been fond of putting things inside bags, That's how she normally plays with stuff. Here's proof:

And her brother has this to say about that.

 Anyhow, if you wanna textme, here's my number: +639162640153

I hate karma, It doesnt let me enjoy life.

last monday, My ex and i were talking and i have to admit that i still want him despite what happened to us the last time we were together. The talk we had really changed my mood for two days and i was happy. Untill KARMA decided to intervene and disappoint me again. (since 1983)

KARMA

 Then again, SO DO I!

I've been campaigning about transgender information since i started to learn about it. The gist of that is "Every person born is male or female but they dont necessarily mean that they are masculine or feminine. There can be feminine males  or masculine females and to add up to the confusion, they could either be heterosexual (straight) or homosexual" (gay;both can be used to describe homosexual males and homosexual females a.k.a lesbians)

Case in point:

My ex boyfriend intimated with me his recent relationship woe. He is bisexual man and he met a guy online whom he thought could be a great boyfriend. This "GUY" is a transgendered man who was born a woman (Pronoun HE is used since he is considered a man.) My ex was really starting to like him untill he found out that this GUY is actually in a relationship with another man and that's when my ex realized that most men regardless which chromosome they have, have the tendency to fool around and be unfaithful. This is what he can say about this:

"I've had it with men, They could really be pigs at times. Now im off to try my luck with girls"

Lucky guy to have the best of both worlds, haha. Anyway i told GEISHA about this and my good friend eloquently summarized everything.

Anu ba yan! Babae sha na naging tomboy na naging BAKLA, ewan?~

GEISHA IS GEISHA! simply INCOMPARABLE! BWAHAHA