Hehehe, Im sure most blog entries would be about the SONA of the President but since im narcissistic and this is my blog, This entry is dedicated to me.

I've been struggling for a month now and most of my defense mechanisms are not working.

In simplier terms. Im a wreck. and this might not show outside  but i know fear, anxiety and insecurity is slowly eating up my sanity and the whole person that i am. 

and it doesnt help that there are persons i thought would somehow carry me but manage to make it "ALL ABOUT THEMSELVES"

The dizzying point of my life and they seem to glorify themselves on it. A shallow and hallow sympathy that preludes directly about their lives. > who needs that kind of friendship?

Luckily, there are some people that lifted me up and somehow made me AFLOAT.

RONCHI: A co-worker who asked me out for a friendly booze. Gave me a different perspective on girl/boy date.  He has this to say about my situation. 

"Dont Expect Too Much" - best advice i got.

P CHARLES: A friend from the UK who constantly imagines himself giving me a massage. (non sexual or so he tells me.) Sweet old guy who calls his girl his bitch. He has this to say about my insecurity.

"Ok. Given that you feel crappy and unworthy and all that nonsense you say to your self. I know, you know and everyone knows. Some lucky bastard will still fall inlove with you no matter how absurd you think that might be. You are bound to find that love even if you dont beleive it." -made me see things in a different perspective

ROSS: A co-worker who somehow understands what im goin through. She has this to say about my mental and psychological state.

"Im just concern about you. Please take it easy" The most genuine care i felt.

 Thanks guys but everyone knows there is only one thing that makes me happy.

Not!!!

 I want this...

Mr. Big of Carrie in Sex and the City is a succesful and sexy man, A great guy and a real charmer at that but underneath all that success is a scared, commitment phobic man. Who, just like every american guy that is so comfortable in single life. He is emotionally mute which drives the confident carrie insane at times.

"When you're young, your whole life is about the pursuit of fun. Then, you grow up and learn to be cautious. You could break a bone or a heart. You look before you leap and sometimes you don't leap at all because there's not always someone there to catch you. And in life, there's no safety net. When did it stop being fun and start being scary?"  ~Sex and the City.~

You once said that i shouldnt be feeling and thinking the way that i am feeling and thinking untill we actually meet. But now that we do have the chance to meet? why are you slipping away from me? ~CLIOGODDESS~

Madalas ako magtaxi lately, (feeling mayaman kaya ayun wala nako makain) kc subrang late ako lagi (im eternally late, i think it's in my genes) at lagi rin ako lasing umuuwi. Kaya namiss ko na yung BARKER ng jeep papuntang Mantrade. Iba kc ang karakter ni Kuya Barker. Everytime sasakay ako dun, iba't ibang eksena ang ginagawa.

Tunghayan natin>

MANTRED! MANTRED! sigaw ni kuya barker, Sabay lapit si Sporadic lady. "manong? Mentrayde? with trying hard callcenter accent. Tingin si kuya barker sabay "Opo MEYNTREYYD" with matching ngiwi ng lips to professionaly mimic the callcenter accent. Kaya ayun, Imbyernang sumakay si ate. kakatuwa nga sha kc irap sha ng irap. tapos simangot tlaga with the air of a diva, sabagay mukha nga nmang susyal sha with the ensemble of a sale genevieve gozum top and a not so kilala pantalon na makikita mo lang na nakatambak somewhere in divisoria, with matching branded SM BONUS bag. pero at least pinangatawanan ni ate kc nung nagbayad sha, "bayad po MENTRAYDE!"

2ND INCIDENT>

MANTRED! MANTRED! sigaw ni kuya barker. tpos me babae sasakay na sana pero nagbago ng isip, "meron nakapila dito pero sa iba ka sasakay, Mayabang ka, hindi ka nman maganda, ang sama ng ugali mo!" sabi ni kuya dun sa babae na lumipat dun sa kabilang jeep. Bwahahah really uncalled for, Panalo si kuya!

My dream MIGHT come true soon. I know i've waited all my life for this but i cant help but feel scared.

Scared of the unknown.

My friends asks me, What is there to be scared of? and i really dont have a ready answer for that but one thing im sure of, Uncertainty makes my heart beat faster.

and little worries make it even harder for me to think about this event? what will i do? what will i wear? what stuff to talk about?.

I dont know, Im such a mess right now coz i never really had someone special in my life and i want this to be perfect and memorable. The kind of memory that you wouldnt get tired of reminiscing and the kind of memory that would make you smile eventhough things are getting worse.

People tell me not to worry to much, not to pay attention to this but how can i ignore something BIG like this, I never really felt special in life even though there are people out there who would say anything just to get kinky with me but nothing like this.

I wanna be with him but still im scared that everything is not TRUE. I thought im a cosmowoman who can just be intimate and forget about it but i know i cant.

Im scared that this will make me love him but then he'd realize im not the ONE and that he would rather spend his time with someone else and leave me.

He always tell that i have so much goin on in my life but truth is, i dont wanna spend it jumping from one man to the other. I just one thing and hopefully one man.